Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
