If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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