I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
