I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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