I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
