If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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