New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
