all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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