It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
