The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
