yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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