please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
