He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
