I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
