its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
