I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
