shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize