Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
