I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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