Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Screwed.edu
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my liver is dry heaving
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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