they need to just BURY HIM!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
