I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
