69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
