I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
