oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
