woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
