I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Life is so much better after having sex.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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