I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize