Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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