So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
