There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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