about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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