apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize