my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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