well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize