i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
