He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
