i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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