I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
