I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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