i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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