just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
