there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
