i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
