You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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