she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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