I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
