i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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