I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
