you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
