I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
