It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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