Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
