Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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