Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
