Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
