is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
