i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize