k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
