she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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