hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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