tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
