he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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