And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
