..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Congratulations! We have a period
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