I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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