I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
