my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
