I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
