i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
