Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
