I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
