Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
